I’m lying here waiting for sleep to overtake me

It seems safe to say I am the absolute worst friend in existence; though no one was really protesting that claim before now.
I had this idea to create monthly playlists based on songs which really stuck to me each day, or something like that, I thought it could be fun but I forgot about the whole thing and it’s really a waste anyway, no one would want to hear that.
Now I’m just listening to a shuffle of Elliott Smith & Maxïmo Park.

what are you doing on new year’s eve?

I don’t know why he and I bother to maintain any relationship at all.
That applies to most of my relationships with men though…
Obviously after a year neither of us have gotten much out of it (it’s late and I can’t think of a phrase apart from ‘have got,’ ick) and I mean…why do we bother? We never see each other so what’s the point of having fingers crossed we become more involved? & by never see each other I mean twice in a year — I saw some of my most distant relatives more than that this year.
I have no idea what to do.

I’ve never been loved, so what reason is there to keep worrying about it ever happening?

re: grinding teeth, & many other posts

they didn’t happen.